The Monday Diet

The endless struggle to lose that 4 year baby weight, to be able to slip on those size 3 jeans I reluctantly saved because I swore one day they would fit again. I don’t need them to fit like they use to I just need them to button and maybe zip, one or the other will do. Like I said, I 'm a stay at home mom and for all you that think stay at home moms have no excuses and all the time in the world, HAHAHAHAHAHA! That is super freaken funny. Let me tell you my job is 24/7 and then some, I barely have time to shower and when I do it’s with the door wide open and me screaming out every 5 second because as soon as I put one toe in the shower the kids suddenly get quiet. After my three and a half minute shower I hurry out hoping there isn’t some irreparable damage to the house.I rent so if anything happens to my place I’m paying for it, if anything happens to the kids, well I own them. I don’t have a Mom, Grandma, Cousin, great Aunt on my Dads second cousin's side that can watch my kids during the day so i can go workout or go on a hike well-st posting beautiful scenery pics on the Gram. Nope, there is just me and no me time means no gym time. I watch all those videos of moms working out at home, squatting their babies, well good for you (insert slow clap here). Been there, tried that, still fat.The at home gym equipment I have purchased is dusty as hell and tucked away in the closet expect for my kettle ball, I use that every single day........ to hold my bedroom door open.

People are always tell me "meal prep that's the key". I love when people try and give me diet advice its second only to parenting advice on my list of "Advice I love that no one asked you for".I know how to eat to be skinny, pre- kids I was 108 lbs, all about chicken and veggies, and going to the gym twice a day. What I need from you is a maid, a chef, live in nanny preferably in her late 40’s early 50’s,ugly as hell but with a heart of gold and oh yeah a personal trainer. Let me clarify, I'm not saying  I don't need advice or want any advice, I just don't want advice from you if your single, have no kids, live with your parents, are naturally skinny, paid for your body or have money and can afford any of the things listed above . Here’s the thing I meal prep, well I attempt to meal prep every week. On the occasion that it has been a good couple of days where the kids haven’t driven me to full Brittney status circa early 2000’s and they both have actually let me get more than 4 hrs of sleep a night, this may result in the extra energy needed to cook all the food, pack it and then clean up. So lets say the stars have a lined  and the meal prepping has been done.The food is sitting in my fridge ready to go and I'm in full on skinny mode, here is where I fail. I run errands and don’t make it back in time to eat lunch. I’m not eating it cold so I don’t bring the food with me and now I’m in the street hungry and decide to just grab something, FAIL! Now I finally arrive home after a long day of errands with my monster of a daughter, and now have to get the kids settled, do homework, cook dinner, make sure the house is in order, etc., etc., etc. By the end of all that I’m exhausted and just want real food and by real I mean carbs, carbs, carbs and possibly something fried with cheese some how incorporated. I already screwed up earlier in the day so I just say fuck it, DOUBLE FAIL!!

Its the endless cycle, the battle between thinking "who cares I’m already married" and not wanting to be the fat friend of the group. The eternal battle of knowing what my body use to look like, looks like now and could look like again with the addition of a few stretch marks here and there. Its still trying to find the balance between being a mom, a wife and myself, that keeps me trying every week and has me telling myself, "you can always start again on Monday".