Mom vs. Woman

When you become a mom you automatically get put under society’s microscope and just like Sting said “every breath you take, every move you make, they’ll be watching you”. Your life now becomes the topic of discussion, the source of debate and at times the example of what not to do.  This doesn’t only apply to what you do when you have your kids with you but even the choices you make when you’re kidless. No one ever told me that once I became a mom I would only be a mom and nothing else. I know your probably thinking” this b**ch, I work, I have a career, I’m more than just a mom”, and I agree. Let me explain, when we moms work, people will say “What about your kids? Who’s watching them? Who’s raising them?"Majority of woman work to help support their families and some simply because they love what they do. Yet either way they get judged for not being as involved or present in their kids lives because when people see you they see you as a mom first.

Several of my girlfriends who don’t have kids yet and are working on achieving their career goals ask me what my plan is once my kids get old enough that they don’t need me as much. I sarcastically tell them ill just sit at home all day watching TV waiting for them to come home so my life can have purpose again. I in turn ask them what they are going to do when they achieve their goals, now work full time, and want to have a baby. Will they send their babies to daycare all day? Give up a career they worked so hard for to raise a baby? They will be seen as a mom that chose career over kids. Yet I will be looked at as a mom that never achieved anything besides raising her kids. As moms we will always lose in the battle I call, mom vs. woman.

Pre kids we are taught to be strong, to live our lives with no regrets, and to follow our dreams. We put on our sexy outfits and party with our girls. We work our jobs and make our money and people say, “That girl has it together”. Now as a mom I put on my sexy outfit and the first thing people say is "that’s too sexy, to revealing, she’s a mom she shouldn’t dress like that". Forget going out, you go out and all of a sudden its where are your kids?, who’s watching your kids?, god forbid you go out more than once a year, then your looked at like that mom that just drops here kids off every weekend. You get where I’m going with this, my husband could go out every weekend and no one would say a damn thing, but that's a whole different double standard for another day. The sad thing is there is this tiny space in between mom and woman that people want you to fit into. Don’t be a frumpy mom but not too sexy. Go out but don’t have too much fun where you look irresponsible and blah, blah, blah.

As a mom I constantly criticize myself and wonder if I’m fucking my kids up so bad that  they’re  going to need therapy for the rest of their adult lives. I worry if the choices I make are the right ones, if I’m setting the best example and teaching them what I feel are the proper values. Now if I wanna do that in a crop top and heels that’s my prerogative. I am a woman first and foremost and just because I’m a mom that doesn't mean I have to change to fit this over filtered has it all together mom mold. The worst part is it’s us moms that are creating this standard. We are the biggest criticizers and judges when it comes to other mothers. We have to remind ourselves who we were before play dates, diapers, and sleepless nights; and I don’t mean the fun ones; and hold on to that because it’s easy to get lost in our journey to being the “perfect mom”.