As far back as I can remember I have always wanted to be a performer. I loved to dance and act and in my mind I would view my life as scenes from movie placing the appropriate background music as needed. Growing up my Dad was a big advocate of the arts he himself a performer studying tap, ballet and acting. There was something about it that I just felt it was meant for me I couldn't imagine doing anything else. Like a lot of others, life started to happen and those dreams started to vanish and only become literal dreams that I could only see in my sleep. As I have mentioned before my childhood was rough homelessness, disconnected from my parents and just trying to hide my pains from those around me those things I loved became nonexistent. In school I never really excelled at any thing academically, I mean don’t get me wrong I am an intelligent woman but lacked the passion to truly thrive in any subject, all except dance. At the end of my freshman year I joined the Drill team and my passion for dance and performing was reignited. Fast forward to young adulthood and at 18 a friend gave me an opportunity to be a GOGO dancer in a brand new club he was promoting. That was the beginning of me feeling like I was finally me. From there I danced at clubs all over, did promotional modeling and even started to build a name for myself in the industry, which isn’t easy considering there are a million girls out there trying to do the same thing.
Now I’m in my first relationship and at first my boyfriend likes what I do says he supports me until the honeymoon phase is over and then his true feelings come out. Then it’s “ I don’t want you doing that”, “How can we be serious when your out dancing”. So I stopped and just worked a regular job, but I hated it eventually I resented him for forcing me to choose and I ended it. Lesson learned right, he’ll no. I would constantly hear the same thing over and over from men, even my male friends would tell me that no one would ever want to take me serious doing what I did. You think I was out there being an escort or something! So every time I had a new man in my life I would stop pursuing my passion and I would tell myself it was a compromise and in relationships that what you do.
I allowed people to shame me and make me feel that what I was doing was wrong. I surrendered to the negativity and judgment and allowed the insecurities of others become my own. I gave up the only thing I was ever passionate about because I started to believe that was the only way I would be loved. So many times we think we have to change who we are in order to fit this ideology of what a good woman, “wifey material” is. We use the word compromise to convince ourselves it’s ok to give up bits and pieces of ourselves. We crave to be loved and excepted at times we are willing to try and be something we are not. At the end we become lost and in relationships with false love because we aren't are true selves.Now in my 30's with two kids I’m done surrendering I want to be successful in what I’m passionate about and in that I am more myself then ever before and I know that someone will love me for that.
